Pray for Grant

Thursday, Nov. 19 - 7:45 p.m.

Posted by Melanie McTaggart on Friday, November 20, 2009

It has been another nice week.  Crazy though, that the nice weeks at home make you nervous. I am constantly worrying that Grant will spike a fever. I know when it is safe to take him out of the house, yet I can't get a grip on the temp thing. (Reminder, if he gets a temp of 101 - we get admitted.) If Grant goes above an under arm temp of 98.4, he almost always hits 101. Only twice has he gone up to 100.4 and we did not have to go in. I feel so bad for him. I come at him with a thermometer at least 10 times (no really) a day and he just lifts his arm for me. No questions asked.

Having a kid with cancer just sucks. I miss the days when the kids would spike a fever and you just did not send them to school. Now you have to worry about things like, "how long to pack for," and "who will take care of Claire tonight since David is out of town." I hate this new life I have had to adjust to. We all do.

The other bad thing about "nice weeks" is the fear that the chemo is not doing its job. David and I have become so accustomed to Grant’s counts being low and the cancer going away that when his counts are good, we think the chemo is not working. I spent my morning researching other chemo protocols and worrying that Grant is not getting hit hard enough with the drugs he is getting. Here I have a kid that still can't walk and yet I worry that they are not hitting him hard enough. It is crazy. Or at least I am becoming that way.

I am sorry to be a downer tonight. I always get this way when David is not here to hold me up. We do a great job of keeping each other sane.

You know whom I feel the worst for right now? Claire. God love my little angel. She NEVER has my undivided attention. Today, as I was freaking out because Grant's face got flushed, she was talking to me and I never heard her. I mean it. I heard nothing. Everything just fell silent. I feel like the worst mom in the world!!! Tomorrow though I am going to try so hard to give her nothing but my attention. She has her Thanksgiving Feast and Program at school and I have a sitter coming to watch Grant so I don't have to focus on anything but her. She needs me so badly. I miss the days when I would hold her in my arms and just read one book after another to her. She is getting older so fast and I am missing it. Tonight, she would have rather played with our neighbors than just hang out and watch a movie with me. That just killed me. In the last 6 months she has grown up so much and I am missing it. I am going to try so hard to take at least 1 day a week to focus on nothing else but her.

Grant got his 3rd dose of methotrexate yesterday. I don't know if it was just a bad day today or the increased dose, but he threw up twice. He has not thrown up in a few months; so it freaked me out a bit. He is doing really well with his walking though!!! Every day he takes a few more unassisted steps. He is still not at the point where you can just let him go, but he is making progress. Oh, and his eyelashes are coming back in! They won't stay, but he looks cute. He looks like he is wearing eyeliner. And his smile would just melt your heart!

Okay, enough of the sad stuff. If all things go as planned, we will have 14 warm bodies here at my home for Thanksgiving. Normally we would head to Waco this year, but not knowing what to expect with Grant, we have decided to just stay put and all of David's family is heading our way. We are excited!!

This Saturday we will meet up at my mom and dad's to have a family picture taken. I bought my mom a gift certificate last year to have a family portrait done. We wanted to wait till my nephew Luke was born so the whole gang would be included. The guys are being pretty good sports about having a portrait done.

On Wednesday the masses will arrive and on Thursday we will watch the Cowboy’s play and feast on turkey and stuffing! On Saturday following Thanksgiving, we will head to my parents for a Thanksgiving dinner with Melissa and Brett and my Uncle Parke. Then on Sunday, Claire and I will go to the Nutcracker. It has become a tradition that she and I go to the 2:00 p.m. performance and that Grant and David meet us afterwards at Vic and Anthony’s. So, that is the plan at least through Nov. 30th.

Again, Sorry to vent through this blog. It is kind of therapeutic for me. If there is one thing I have learned going through this whole process it is this - Life is short  - even if you get to live 100 years. Enjoy the time you have until God calls you to join him - and then the real life will begin. I have also learned how much love people have in their hearts. You don't really appreciate it until you go through something like this. Thanks again to all of you for your love, your thoughts, and your prayers.

 

 

PS – My cousin Jessica is in the hospital with several blood clots in her lungs. She is young, she is scared, and she needs prayers. If you would, please pray for her. Thanks!




 

About Me


Melanie McTaggart I am the proud mom and Claire and Grant. I am so blessed to have them in my life!

Thursday, Nov. 19 - 7:45 p.m.

Posted by Melanie McTaggart on Friday, November 20, 2009

It has been another nice week.  Crazy though, that the nice weeks at home make you nervous. I am constantly worrying that Grant will spike a fever. I know when it is safe to take him out of the house, yet I can't get a grip on the temp thing. (Reminder, if he gets a temp of 101 - we get admitted.) If Grant goes above an under arm temp of 98.4, he almost always hits 101. Only twice has he gone up to 100.4 and we did not have to go in. I feel so bad for him. I come at him with a thermometer at least 10 times (no really) a day and he just lifts his arm for me. No questions asked.

Having a kid with cancer just sucks. I miss the days when the kids would spike a fever and you just did not send them to school. Now you have to worry about things like, "how long to pack for," and "who will take care of Claire tonight since David is out of town." I hate this new life I have had to adjust to. We all do.

The other bad thing about "nice weeks" is the fear that the chemo is not doing its job. David and I have become so accustomed to Grant’s counts being low and the cancer going away that when his counts are good, we think the chemo is not working. I spent my morning researching other chemo protocols and worrying that Grant is not getting hit hard enough with the drugs he is getting. Here I have a kid that still can't walk and yet I worry that they are not hitting him hard enough. It is crazy. Or at least I am becoming that way.

I am sorry to be a downer tonight. I always get this way when David is not here to hold me up. We do a great job of keeping each other sane.

You know whom I feel the worst for right now? Claire. God love my little angel. She NEVER has my undivided attention. Today, as I was freaking out because Grant's face got flushed, she was talking to me and I never heard her. I mean it. I heard nothing. Everything just fell silent. I feel like the worst mom in the world!!! Tomorrow though I am going to try so hard to give her nothing but my attention. She has her Thanksgiving Feast and Program at school and I have a sitter coming to watch Grant so I don't have to focus on anything but her. She needs me so badly. I miss the days when I would hold her in my arms and just read one book after another to her. She is getting older so fast and I am missing it. Tonight, she would have rather played with our neighbors than just hang out and watch a movie with me. That just killed me. In the last 6 months she has grown up so much and I am missing it. I am going to try so hard to take at least 1 day a week to focus on nothing else but her.

Grant got his 3rd dose of methotrexate yesterday. I don't know if it was just a bad day today or the increased dose, but he threw up twice. He has not thrown up in a few months; so it freaked me out a bit. He is doing really well with his walking though!!! Every day he takes a few more unassisted steps. He is still not at the point where you can just let him go, but he is making progress. Oh, and his eyelashes are coming back in! They won't stay, but he looks cute. He looks like he is wearing eyeliner. And his smile would just melt your heart!

Okay, enough of the sad stuff. If all things go as planned, we will have 14 warm bodies here at my home for Thanksgiving. Normally we would head to Waco this year, but not knowing what to expect with Grant, we have decided to just stay put and all of David's family is heading our way. We are excited!!

This Saturday we will meet up at my mom and dad's to have a family picture taken. I bought my mom a gift certificate last year to have a family portrait done. We wanted to wait till my nephew Luke was born so the whole gang would be included. The guys are being pretty good sports about having a portrait done.

On Wednesday the masses will arrive and on Thursday we will watch the Cowboy’s play and feast on turkey and stuffing! On Saturday following Thanksgiving, we will head to my parents for a Thanksgiving dinner with Melissa and Brett and my Uncle Parke. Then on Sunday, Claire and I will go to the Nutcracker. It has become a tradition that she and I go to the 2:00 p.m. performance and that Grant and David meet us afterwards at Vic and Anthony’s. So, that is the plan at least through Nov. 30th.

Again, Sorry to vent through this blog. It is kind of therapeutic for me. If there is one thing I have learned going through this whole process it is this - Life is short  - even if you get to live 100 years. Enjoy the time you have until God calls you to join him - and then the real life will begin. I have also learned how much love people have in their hearts. You don't really appreciate it until you go through something like this. Thanks again to all of you for your love, your thoughts, and your prayers.

 

 

PS – My cousin Jessica is in the hospital with several blood clots in her lungs. She is young, she is scared, and she needs prayers. If you would, please pray for her. Thanks!